Psst! I Have a Secret!

I don't know if it's still too early for me to have an inside joke with my blogger community... Especially since that's like 3 people.  Well maybe a few more now that I decided to come out of the blogging closet to my friends.  (Am I too self-deprecating for blog humor? I worry sometimes that I come off as whiny when I'm really just being sardonic.)


But here it is, just in case you get it:

Wow I Suck

I'm sorry to say that I'm already hardcore sucking at being a blogger.

It's just that not much has been going on lately.  I go to work.  I come home and go to bed.  I wake up the next day to do it again.  I understand why people get so totally bored by their lives.  This cannot be what it's about.  Right?

The truth is, I haven't been my usual cheery sarcastic self lately.  And it's not because of work, because I know that my job is my job and not my life.  I suppose it's because I don't know what I'm doing with my life.  Boo hoo, right? Everyone says that - my mom still does, and she's 57 years old.  But I guess I use that phrase so loosely.  I do know what I'm doing with my life.  Right now, I'm living with my parents trying to save up money to move somewhere else so I can hopefully pursue an acting career.

I think I dislike adulthood because there's no solid goal to work towards.  "HAPPINESS."  That's my goal.  But what the eff does that mean?  It's not, "a paper on global warming," or, "get a 4.0," or even "graduate from college."  Nothing is definitive, and boy do I like definitive.  I like to have goals to work toward, not overall LIFE ones, but just smaller ones.  So you think I'd be happy knowing that I'm working toward moving out.  Not a big philosophical life goal, but a practical, next-step goal.  So why do I feel so restless?