Why I Hate Katy Perry (And Other Stupid People)

I didn't really care too much about this drawing. I just wanted to make sure I got the boobs right.

I think, long ago when I started this blog, I mentioned in one of my posts that I'm not very opinionated.

Well, I think I was wrong.  I'm pretty damn opinionated.... But it's only about one subject, really:

Stupid people.


Now you're probably saying to yourself, isn't stupidity subjective?  And isn't it a little wrong, having an intense burning passion for so-called "stupid" people?  Well I'm here to tell you that it's not. Subjective nor wrong.



Here's the thing. When I get really opinionated about stupid people, I get really passionate about my beliefs.

I try to put myself in other people's shoes whenever possible.  When someone is expressing an opinion to me, I make an attempt to look at it from their perspective.  What I'm gradually learning is that not everyone does this. I was shocked when I had this epiphany the other day when I was {insert doing something really cool/relevant (maybe) here}.  The point at which I deem someone stupid comes when I've done everything I can to put myself in their shoes and I just can't see where they're coming from.

Enter Ms. Perry-Brand.





There must be something in the wa-ur


My burning hatred for Katy Perry didn't always exist.  I never really liked "I Kissed a Girl," I thought it was dumb and gimmicky.  But I was a pretty big fan of "Hot & Cold," probably because it reflected my own (not hard to define) relationship woes at the time.  I didn't even mind "Waking Up in Vegas."  It was when "California Gurls" surfaced and became the anthem to everything stupid that I decided to begin my plight against her.

In order to present my case with substantial evidence, I did some internet research, mostly on Wikipedia, and discovered that Katy Perry co-writes all her songs.  You might  be thinking, "Well, that's admirable, at least she's not one of those pop stars who doesn't read music or any of that bullshit." But I think "co-writing" is probably the least admirable thing she could possibly be doing.  Co-writing means that not only is Katy Perry singing these lyrically- and musically- moronic songs, she actually has a hand in creating them.  But she doesn't dream them up on her own, un-uh sistahfriend.  Someone has to help her make them retarded.  I'm not sure what order it happens in, whether Katy comes up with a melody that lacks just the right amount of brainpower, or if she strings together the most meaningless words she can think of and then removes all the consonants.  But someone is signing off on this stupidity, and I don't know if they're making it more or less half-witted.  Either way Katy Perry sings the songs - which leads me to believe that she's stupider than her co-writers.

I recall my first encounter with a live performance by the queen of stupid. I was at a friend's house watching one of those stupid channels like Fuse or some shit and she came on singing the song that was already the bane of my broken ipod car adapter (... because I was listening to a lot of radio and between all the stations the song I'm talking about was playing every two minutes). I tried to find a video of the exact performance I saw, but this one from the David Letterman show is almost as terrible.



If you suck live and you're a musician, you might as well do us all a favor and kill yourself.  Harsh? Absolutely. True? Okay not really, since suicide will only make you more popular in death.  But do I really need to go into why you need to be good at singing your "own' songs outside of a studio?

And then came "Firework."

I didn't feel the need to advertise my anti-Katy Perry feelings until "Firework" came out. Let me just get it off my chest: I like the song. Really, I do, and I don't know why. It's most likely probably due to the subliminal messaging embedded in the radio version that they play every two minutes. At any rate, it's catchy and pretty cute I guess.  I found myself admitting that I like it this one day when I realized that if it was sung by anyone else I'd like it in a real way. Not only does Katy have an awful voice because she screams all of her notes which are way too high for her in the first place, I don't like her image, and I really don't like the hypocrisy that goes along with the whole affair. If you're gonna make a living shaking your tits and ass and singing stupid music, that's one thing. It's when you try to sing an inspirational song and couple it with an inspirational video that I start hatin' on you for self-righteousness. And it doesn't help your case when you "make em go uh uh uh as you shoot across the sky-y-y"... what does that even mean? It doesn't rhyme Katy. Why couldn't they be goin high-y-y?

Katy Perry isn't talented. Not even a little. She doesn't even really speak English, what is a nack? Howbout a wa-arrl? Ok, if you can tell me what a gaul en coas is, I'll give it to you.  And I really don't even have a guess for sani ah still eh ose... I can understand Snoop Dogg better.


Really, I'm jealous. I'd love to be making millions of dollars for having no talent. Pay ME to be a dumbass!



I don't have the energy left to get into "Ur So Gay," one of her early non-hits that you may or may not recognize. It's pretty offensive.  And not in a South-Park-Harley-bikers-F-word-sorta-way. In a real homophobic way. So here's the video for your viewing displeasure. You might spot some hipocrisy just by glancing at the title, especially if you watched the "Firework" video.




In conclusion, I'd like to point out that there are pop stars who are stupid and recognize it.  Ke$ha is a good example; she has a fucking dollar sign in her name for chrissakes, and markets herself as a hot mess complete with glitter and booze. Whatever. I don't really like her, but at least she isn't 'singing' about letting your light shine.  She's 'singing' about getting wasted and pooping glitter.


If I had to summarize my hatred for Katy Perry, I would say that I hate her because everyone likes her.  And I hate that. To go full circle, I've tried to put myself in the shoes of people who like her, and I just can't.  Hopefully I've given you a case to put yourself in mine though, and you'll immediately burn all of your Katy Perr-iphenilia in a paganistic ritual that may or may not include the sacrifice of a Katy Perry Worshipper. Yeah right.