Thursday, November 24, 2011

Friendship

It's a word that many take for granted every day, including myself. "Friendship." You're "friends" with the guy across the street, your funny coworker, your roommate's colleague. But you're also friends with your best bud from your childhood, your confidant from high school, and your floormate from the dorms in college. You're friends with your classmates, your associates, your roommates, your neighbors.

So how do we distinguish between them?

I have been talking with a friend who was never really my friend until recently. And she is always talking about love - the capacity we have for it, its importance in life. She is so good at projecting her love, and letting others see it. Whereas I... not so much. Love is one of those things that we can't just let exist - we do have to work to express it, and I have trouble with that.

The ancient greeks have at least five different words for love, all different, describing different understandings of the complexities of love. Mania, love of possession, or obsession, storge, love of a mother for her child, eros, love of the body, or physical love, philia, love of the mind, or virtue, equality, and familiarity that is felt along with kinship, and agape, love of the soul. From greeceindex.com, "Agape is the highest form of love there is. This is an unconditional love for others in spite of their character flaws and weaknesses. It is a difficult love to obtain simply because we, as humans, are usually concerned more with ourselves and how the world and people around us affect us. In order to love in the agape way, we must overcome our selfishness and look to the needs of others."


This is how I feel about my friends. It is more than the typical friendly love, the philia, although there are many for whom I have that love as well.  And while I struggle to show it, and try to overcome my earthly burdens, I want to remind them. To let them know they are on my mind daily. And although my love for them is intangible, I spent the last week making this for them, in hopes that they will see it and know that they mean the world to me.


To my friends:





Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Gratitude for Self-Worth

It's Thanksgiving Day, and we all know that it's a time to give thanks - the part that we often forget about when we're seeing family and preparing delicious food.

If we do remember - or, maybe your family even goes around the table and shares what he or she is thankful for - we often give thanks for the blessings in our life, the love we have, the compassion we've received, the time we've got together.

So I'm proposing a challenge to everyone. In light of my recent bout of self-dissatisfaction, I am allowing myself to take a few moments of selfishness on this usually-selfless holiday and recognize the qualities in myself that I am thankful I have - the reasons I am thankful to be me. And I challenge you to do the same, and share some of your findings with me.

I'll go first: I am thankful for my power of perspective. I think I am pretty good at putting myself in someone else's shoes and seeing the world from their point of view. I'm also thankful for my sense of humor. I might be the only one who finds me funny at times, but I'm glad I'm able to entertain myself :-p


So leave your comments! I want to know that there are people out there who love themselves and are able to give gratitude to the universe for making them the unique people they are today.

Happy Thanksgiving!!

Saturday, November 19, 2011

love is what we were born with

I'm working on something HUGE right now... ... ...


          I thought I was going to have it done two days ago, but it's so huge that it's taking me forever... ... ..



                  So in the meantime, here's something else that I made yesterday to put on my vision board! May it find you and inspire you to love yourself for who you are.




Text Copyrighted by Marianne Williamson © Living Life Fully®, all rights reserved

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Rollercoaster of Life

I've been terrible and have skipped a couple of days in my 30 Day Blogbuster Challenge. I'll admit that it's partially because my parents have been the only people reading my posts, and I didn't even know they read them. It's hard to keep going when there's not a lot of motivation.

But mostly, it's because I've "run out of things to say." This is in quotes because, obviously, it's not true. I could talk for hours about what goes on inside of my constantly-ansty mind, but it wouldn't really make for interesting (or intelligible) content.

I've figured out that when I get this way, it tends to be the result of a depressive phase in my life. I use the term 'depressive' to describe a downswing in my mood, not an actual depression, although that's really what it is - a mild bout of depression. Sometimes it lasts a long time, other times, it's just a day or two or three... But it causes me to be lazy in every aspect of my life, including my blogging.

For example, I was supposed to go to the grocery store today. Actually, I've been needing to go for the past week and a half, but I just can't seem to make myself go. I don't want to. So instead, I spent three hours on the internet looking at food (side note, if you don't know about tastespotting you're missing out on life). Grocery shopping requires putting on real pants, a practice I'm not too fond of. By the time I was mentally prepared to start pulling myself together, I ended up deciding I didn't have time to go. I'd like to eat, but just, errrgh. Blehh. Maahh....

Last week I was so productive. I quit smoking, I did 8 minute abs every morning, shit I even woke up before 11 am. One day - and this is a big secret, so don't tell any of my friends because they'll think I've been body-snatched - I even went for a run. Yeah, seriously. So what happened? Why am I so up and down with my self-motivation?

"This is the craziest ride EVER!"


My only consolation is that my roommate seems to experience the same symptoms that I do. I can't be the only one, right? I talk about my lack of desire to do anything besides lay on my bed and listen to The Hunger Games on audiobook (I'm too lazy even to read) and she totally seems to get it. But I can't help but wonder if it's just my laziness rubbing off on her. She brought up something the other day that gave me a little bit of insight. She said that because she's a 'big-picture' person, it's hard for her to get things done sometimes because she gets stuck on this "I have to accomplish all of these things all at once because there's so much to do, I need to get IT done." But what is "IT?" What's the big picture of getting things done? And I, like her, have to convince myself to break IT into small, manageable its. Because with the big IT, it gets too overwhelming that when it comes down to doing IT, I don't want to to ANY of IT, so I choose to do nothing.

Deep breaths.  It's time to convince myself to take a shower so I can get ready for work so I can make some money tonight so I can come home and write another blog post so I can keep up my 30 day challenge so I can have some fans so I can legitimize myself and my life....

Wait.

...

       .....

                   ....... ... .. .....


I'm just going to go take a shower.

Monday, November 14, 2011

Watermelon Cucumbers

Today at work, our chef came to us with something that I - nor, apparently, Google - have/has ever seen before: watermelon cucumbers!




Why yes, that IS an actual penny!

They look like watermelons... they taste like cucumbers... And they're about an inch long and ADORABLE!

He got them at the farmer's market, where he does a lot of buying for our restaurant. I think he's just using these as a small part of a fancy farmer's market heirloom tomato and fried soy cheese (read: better than a mozzarella stick) salad with basil oil, balsamic vinegar reduction, and arugula microgreens. Bad. Ass.


Saturday, November 12, 2011

Babysitting

I'm not very political. I have opinions about certain things, but for the things that I don't know enough about I reserve the right to form an opinion.


Most of the opinions that I do have can be easily swayed one way or the other by a good argument - I consider myself pretty decent at being able to see things from different points of view.  


But there is something that I am pretty confident about believing in without the slightest lack of conviction: education.


My mom has worked in schools for as long as I've been in them - longer, now that I'm all graduated and stuff.  So perhaps it gives me a bias, but I firmly believe in the power of public education. I will say that I believe it has a very strong downfall - lack of preparation for the "real world" - but I don't think that the institution of public education is to be blamed. It's the lack of general support for it by the majority of the population, which leads to the lack of financial support that it receives, etc. etc. As an artist, I obviously support arts education in schools, and as a former high school student who was a part of productions so shoddily thrown together and so poorly funded that not even Sue Sylvester would be threatened, I know how much of an impact a well-developed grade school arts program can make.


And so, the point of this introduction is to post something that I found on facebook today that I thought was funny yet poignant - my favorite kind of find.



Teachers' hefty salaries are driving up taxes, and they only work 9 or 10 months a year. It's time we put things in perspective and pay them for what they do - babysit! We can get that for less than minimum wage.That's right. Let's give them $3.00 an hour and only the hours they worked; not any of that silly planning time, or any time they spend before or after school. That would be $19.50 a day (...........................7:45 to 3:00 PM with 45 min. off for lunch and planning-- that equals 6 1/2 hours). Each parent should pay $19.50 a day for these teachers to baby-sit their children. Now how many students do they teach in a day...maybe 30? So that's $19.50 x 30 = $585.00 a day. However, remember they only work 180 days a year. I am not going to pay them for any vacations. LET'S SEE.... That's $585 X 180= $105,300 per year. What about those special education teachers and the ones with Master's degrees? Well, we could pay them minimum wage ($7.75), and just to be fair, round it off to $8.00 an hour. That would be $8 X 6 1/2 hours X 30 children X 180 days = $280,800 per year. Wait a minute... The average teacher's salary (nation wide) is $50,000. $50,000/180 days = $277.77/per day/30 students=$9.25/6.5 hours = $1.42 per hour per student--a very inexpensive baby-sitter and they even EDUCATE your kids! Make a teacher smile; repost this to show appreciation for all educators.

The funding of arts within the public education system  is an analogy for the funding of teachers' salaries within the greater scheme of government spending. In high school all the money goes to the football team. In the U.S. it's all going toward another kind of team that we tell to "Fight! Fight! FightFightFight!"

Maybe the antiwar reference is a bit too much. I said I didn't try and tout my opinions when they're too unfounded, and I digress. But silly or incorrect opinions aside, go do it! Do what it says and repost this blog, or a link to this blog, or even just the quip. Because the people who educate us and our children are the people responsible for the future, the ones who educate us enough to let us form our own opinions - and that's a lot of weight to carry on one's shoulders.

Friday, November 11, 2011

Growth

I recently splurged and bought myself a giant canvas painting of a tree.



I had my eye on it for a while, and I decided that it was time to reward myself for starting to take the necessary steps toward self-motivation. Maybe this seems a bit backward, and I really should have waited until I actually accomplished something before I rewarded myself, but I'm telling myself that having this picture in my room will actually help to motivate me.

I was really undecided after I actually went and made the purchase - it was fairly expensive, and even though I loved it I wasn't sure it was going to actually 'go' in my room. But now that it's hanging above my head at night, I feel so wonderful about its presence that I know I made the right decision.

After staring at my tree for what had to have been an hour, I realized that it's a silver leaf maple. This hits close to home - literally. There is a giant silver leaf in the front yard of my parents' house, the house I grew up in. I used to spend hours, days, really, sitting outside in that tree, doing everything from spying on neighbors, to playing a child of the wilderness with my friends, to kissing boys - I loved that tree, and even though I had to help my mom rake the hundreds of thousands of leaves that accumulated every fall, they made the best piles to jump in. If I needed to escape the world and be alone, I always had my tree to sit in.

Trees are amazing motifs. They symbolize life, and the ever-conflicting concepts of staying connected to the earth, rooted in the ground, and branching out, standing tall, reaching for the sky. But perhaps the idea that I connect with most is that of growth. I've always believed that my quest in life as a human on this earth is to learn as much as I can - to grow, and keep growing, no matter how much time goes by or how old I get. I feel as though it is something that many people forget about. They hit a certain point and they plateau, as though  there is nowhere else to go. But one can always keep growing, in all areas of his or her life. And I love that this tree will serve as a constant reminder to me that there will always be more knowledge to reach for - knowledge of the world, knowledge of craft, knowledge of others, knowledge of self. I'm thankful that this silly painting has found its way into my life.




Thursday, November 10, 2011

Bathroom Graffiti

I'm so sorry I didn't post yesterday! I worked a double and had a headache all day long, so I climbed into bed immediately after my longest day ever. But I'll post two today :)


For my first post, I have what I'd like to be a new series (but who knows?) called 'Bathroom Graffiti.' The other night I was at a bar with some coworkers and there was such an abundance of great bathroom wall graffiti that I had to take some pictures. And may I present them to you now!


"Never make someone a priority in your life, when your only an option in theirs."

"You can't cried over spilt milk when the jar was never even opened."
...nice sentiment... I especially loved the comment in the left corner - "Nice grammer BITCH!" Apparently she's a stickler for grammar, but spelling fell by the wayside.

"To be a rock and not to roll...."
Deep, man woman.

"Love is the only truth
If your love is turned away
love more.
If your love is rejected
love more.
because I'd rather feel a heart full of sorrow for love 
than never know what sorrow is.
Choose love
NOT HATE."

 And saving my favorite for last,
"Be a fucking GODDESS, and own your right to happiness!"
Couldn't have said it better myself.



Wednesday, November 9, 2011

Whitney's Fall TV Lineup

**...And let me tell you, it definitely does not include Whitney. That show is terrible.**



It's my job to watch TV.

At least, that's what I tell myself as an excuse for watching so much of it. Considering I don't have cable - or even a TV - I manage to spend a lot of time in front of my computer, on Hulu or on other tv networks' websites, loving and hating and over-analyzing everything on television. But as an "actor" (I put it in quotes because really, I'm a waitress), I feel as though I have to keep up with television so that I know what's going on and what to expect - plus, I love it.

So here's my completely biased and not-worth-much opinion about this season's new tv shows (a.k.a., my list of shows I hope make it past season 1).

Countdown: Ranking My Interest Level in This Fall's New Television... Perhaps a Little Late in the Game

Read more »

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

I'm a Quitter

... Well, sort of. I've been a quitter for exactly 24 hours.

But here's the good (actually, great) news: I'm the good kind of quitter, because I finally decided to quit smoking!

*****

I read a lot of websites about quitting smoking, and they all agreed that telling people you're quitting helps to make it a reality. I haven't really told anyone yet, but that's because I've started to become so embarrassed by the fact that I smoke in the first place that a lot of the people I see on a daily basis don't even know that I'm a smoker. Even saying those words - "I'm a smoker" - makes me ashamed. But it's time for me to start taking responsibility for myself, and so, I'm a smoker who's working on quitting - shame can be a powerful motivator. So I'm making my quitting, and my addiction in the first place, super public - I'm sharing it with you!

Monday, November 7, 2011

Friends Don't Let Friends Eat Meat... But I Do!

I work at a brand-new upscale vegan macrobiotic restaurant in West LA, a job I'm very fortunate and thankful to have because as far as waiting tables goes, this place is tops. The restaurant is Seed Bistro, and the story of Chef Eric Lechasseur and his business partner/wife Sanae is wholly touching and inspiring. Sanae was diagnosed with cancer with no health insurance and no money, and she enlisted the help of chef Eric - that was when they began to study macrobiotics, which comes from Eastern cultures and is all about balance, in living with the natural order of life. Together they created a macrobiotic healing diet that helped Sanae beat her cancer, and when she was unfortunate enough to be in a life-threatening accident a few years later, again macrobiotics helped nurse her back to health.

I'm gonna be honest, at the risk of my employers somehow seeing this blog post and discovering my dirty secret: I was nowhere close to being a vegan before I worked at Seed. Unless you count my strange aversion to the texture of most meat - I'd only eat it if it was breaded and fried, or cut up or shredded into small pieces and mixed in with something else - I was an omnivore all the way. And I fully planned on keeping up the vegetarian front I had put on in order to get the job in the first place. I was practically a vegetarian anyway, since I couldn't afford to buy meat unless it came in a red box with a big golden M on it. I didn't really cook unless you count ramen, and the food groups that governed my diet consisted of cheese, carbs, cheese, and cheese. I love cheese. All of my favorite foods revolve around it: grilled cheese, mac & cheese, quesadillas.

Saturday, November 5, 2011

30-Day Blogbuster Challenge



I've been bad. You know it, I definitely know it, it's just a fact that I've been trying to fight for a while now - but I'm coming to terms with it: I haven't posted in forever.

I made excuses - 'I have nothing to write about', that was the first one. Then I up and moved across the country, witnessed a thousand different life changes, and it was 'I have too much to write about' - I didn't know where to start, so I put it off, wondering how I could avoid a 2,000-word update, and I didn't even want this blog to be a bunch of bullshit about my life anyway - I was ashamed that that's how it's been turning out.

I make excuses for myself every single minute of every day. "I haven't started my acting career because <insert excuse here>." "I don't have enough money," "I don't have enough time," "I don't know enough people," "I don't have enough experience" ... When am I going to have enough of anything? I told myself that if I waited to move until I had enough money and resources, I was never going to do it. So, I just did it. I mustered up every last bit of vivacity I could, and I packed my whittled-down belongings and my little dog Toto into my air-conditioningless Saturn and I drove my ass for 20 hours across the mountains and the desert and arrived in the City of Angeles, Los Angeles, California, dripping in sweat and high on Redbull.