But here's the good (actually, great) news: I'm the good kind of quitter, because I finally decided to quit smoking!
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I read a lot of websites about quitting smoking, and they all agreed that telling people you're quitting helps to make it a reality. I haven't really told anyone yet, but that's because I've started to become so embarrassed by the fact that I smoke in the first place that a lot of the people I see on a daily basis don't even know that I'm a smoker. Even saying those words - "I'm a smoker" - makes me ashamed. But it's time for me to start taking responsibility for myself, and so, I'm a smoker who's working on quitting - shame can be a powerful motivator. So I'm making my quitting, and my addiction in the first place, super public - I'm sharing it with you!
I've always said that I smoke cigarettes because I'm super cool. I first heard this sentiment in college from my best friend Jessie, who would sit on the stoop of our dorm with me and smoke cigarettes while eating frozen yogurt from the dining hall - the two went really well together, I'm still convinced. Jessie has long since given up the nasty habit and chides me for not doing the same. But I know that the real reason I smoke isn't because I look super fly doing it, it's because I get high off of the feeling of instant gratification that I get from each cigarette. There is nothing else in the world that I can say "I want this" and immediately have it. And that feeling is what I am addicted to.
My habit has gotten pretty bad, especially between having a dog and having to spend extended periods of time in the car. Having a smoke while I walk Toto has become a staple for me - he does his thing, I do mine. And sitting in LA traffic, driving around with a bunch of other lunatics, well, I honestly can't see how people manage to get from one place to another without lighting up.
I initially wasn't planning on quitting cold turkey. I devised a plan by which I would quit by Thanksgiving, when my mom is coming out to visit, and gradually wean myself off cigarettes by limiting my daily dose of death sticks. I don't have an exact count of how much I was smoking before, but I suppose I'd go through a pack every 2-3 days or so. So, I started with a goal of 4 on day one. I forgot to count how many I started out with, but I ended up allowing myself and needing a 5th buffer cig. So by day two I only had 4 cigarettes left in my pack. Day two was the day before yesterday though, and I just told myself that I was going to try some of the techniques I read about - taking deep breaths, bringing a snack in the car - before I got really really desperate and went out and bought another pack. But I haven't gotten desperate enough yet, so far so good, right? I've cheated a couple of times, just a little, because I found the pack of Swisher cigarillos I bought for my fantastic Halloween costume this year and tried to smoke them, resulting in well-deserved disappointment when I found out they were all broken in half due to the fact that they were in my back pocket three nights in a row.
Kreayshawn - I got the swag and it's pumpin' out my ovarieees
I have some backup plans that I got from websites if my craving gets really, really bad, which include looking at pictures of cancerous larynxes and lung cancer (ew), and finding some sort of cylindrical thing to chew/suck on - like a cinnamon stick. But I'm pretty confident at this point - I'm not sure if my brain is getting too much oxygen or what. I think I can do this. Plus, I promised myself a reward at the end if I make it ;-)
So I'm literally falling asleep at my computer - I'm sure there is much more I can talk about, but hey I'm on a roll here, so maybe I'll quit writing novel-length blog posts. I can quit anything! I am unstoppable! ... Or would it be, stop-able? Either way, really, I can't think of anyone, even people who loathe me, who won't be fully supportive of my quitting smoking. So what is there to be afraid of?
P.S. If you're trying to quit smoking, quit watching Mad Men first - this article will tell you why http://thestir.cafemom.com/healthy_living/107308/is_mad_men_just_one
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