Are You Afraid of the Dark? I'm the Opposite. When I'm Aswake.

Every once in a while, I wake up in the middle of the night gasping for air and focus on a spot at the end of the bed, where I see something that I can't really make out due to the fact that I'm most likely still asleep.  And it's dark.  But I immediately become afraid of it, because I already know what it is...

That's right.  It's a spider.  And despite the fact that I'm a grown up, I'm one of those 98% of women who are deathly terrified of spiders.  Especially when they're in my bed.  Because though it may look like a tiny little black dot from afar, the moment I see it, I see this coming at me:

FANGS.  Drooling.  Hairy little legs that scuttle scuttle scuttle toward me, getting closer and closer, and if it touches me I'm gonna die I know it I'm GONNA DIE !

So I jump out of bed in the middle of the night, I can't bare to have this disgusting horrifying creature sharing my bed with me, and in my most rational state of mind, I rip off all of my covers, comforter first, then blanket, then sheets, shake them all out individually, stepping lightly and jumping around from one spider-purged area to the next, always careful not to turn the light on for fear of having to confront the ugly beast and its drool...

And then I find myself flipping the light switch.  And I wake up.  Because it turns out that the first time I "woke up", I was really still asleep.  Aswake, I'm calling it.  And by waiting so long to wake myself up with the light, my covers are now all over the floor, my pillowcases have been torn from their pillows, my whole room looks like it's been ransacked by wildebeests, and I remember doing all of this, but it turns out I was sleepwalking because there was never really a spider.

... Or was there .... ?  ... I can never be sure ...

This happens to me about twice a month or so.  

Next time I'll tell you about the dreams I have about my teeth falling out.  

No, maybe not.  They're not as funny.